GOD'S EMAIL

One day God was looking down at earth
and saw all of the rascally behavior that
was going on. So He called one of His
angels and sent the angel to earth for a time.
When she returned, she told God, 'Yes,
it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving
and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said,
'Maybe I had better send down a second
angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her
to earth for a time. When the angel returned
she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true.
The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving,
but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased. So He decided to
e-mail the 5% who were good, because he
wanted to encourage them, and give them
a little something to help them keep going...
Do you know what the e-mail said?







Okay, I was just wondering; because I didn't get one either!

PERSECUTION AND TROUBLE

Scripture:

"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness,
without which no one will see the Lord: looking
carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of
God; lest any root of bitterness springing up
cause trouble, and by this many become defiled"
Hebrews 12:14-15

Reflection:

Have you ever been the peacemaker in a difficult
situation? It takes someone conforming to the
likeness of Christ to become a peacemaker.
God has called us to a place were we should rise
above our human nature in the time of persecution
and trouble. During our trials, we need to look
toward Christ and be broken before him, so he
can restore us and strengthen us so we can
be a vessel that He can use.
by Eddie Snipes

I HAD A DIFFERENT DRUG PROBLEM

Randy and Melanie Bordelon

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that
a Methamphetamine lab had been found in a old farmhouse
in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical
question, "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you
and I were growing up?"
I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young: I was
drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to
church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family
reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to
adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I
disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad
report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the
teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best
effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth
washed out with soap if i uttered a profanity. I was
drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower
beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug
to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help
out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard,
repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood, and, if
my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as
a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to
the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my
behavior in everything I do, say or think. They are
stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin; and, if today's
children had this kind of drug problem, America would
be a better place.

God bless the parents who drugged us.

LOVE THOSE CHURCH LADIES

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters...
These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the
Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick
of our community. Smile at someone who is
hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this
way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the
congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't
know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married
on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday
evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon
topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early
and listen to our choir practice

Eight new choir robes are currently needed
due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles
and other items to be recycled. Proceeds
will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope
along with the deceased person you want
remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer
and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing
of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn
singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
Is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies
of the Congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM.. The
congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the
First Presbyterian Church. Please use
large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the
church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO FOLLOW?

Scripture:

"... Follow Me" (John 21:19).

Reflection:

There is the wonderful story of an elderly
woman in a nursing home who was faced
with a very hard choice. Being a rabid baseball fan,
she had been following the World Series then
in progress, and on Sunday morning she was
happy to learn that the deciding game would be
televised at three p.m. However, three p.m. also
was the time scheduled for Church Services, to
be conducted by an as yet unidentified clergyman
from a neighboring community. Consequently, the
elderly baseball fan was faced with an extremely
hard choice because she was a deeply religious
woman too. Finally, the moment of decision arrived.
"Are you going to attend Church Services or watch
the World Series game on T.V.?" she was asked.
"I haven't decided yet," she replied. "It all depends
on who's pitching and who's preaching."

"Follow Me!" the Risen Christ says to Peter.
In themselves, good resolutions and intentions
in the area of faith will not do us much good.
If we want to grow as individuals we need to
follow Jesus in acting out those good resolutions
and good intentions.

WHAT'S YOUR INTENTION?
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO FOLLOW?

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD!

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well..
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?'
God surely must've made a mistake.
'And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT!!!!

Remember....Just going to church
doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in
your garage makes you a car.
Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE!

Made you smile, didn't it?!!!

HOW DO YOU TREAT THE BIBLE?

Scripture:

For the word of God is living and active,
sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing
to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints
and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts
and intentions of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12

Reflection:

SOME PEOPLE TREAT THE BIBLE AS AN
HORS D'OEUVRES TRAY

Many people pick and choose Bible passages
based on what suits their taste:
The Bible is not your authority as long as
you're picking and choosing what you accept.

SOME PEOPLE TREAT THE BIBLE LIKE
RENTAL CAR INSURANCE;

I would guess that most people waive the
extra rental car insurance.
The costs are plenty already.
A lot of people treat the Bible like that. In
an emergency I need the Bible,
but I doubt I'll have a crisis today, so I
think I'll pass.

SOME PEOPLE TREAT THE BIBLE
LIKE A SEAT BELT

Of course you wear a seatbelt-but only
because it's the law. And that crazy bell
won't quit ringing until you click it.
Some people treat the Bible like that.
Yeah, I read the Bible because it's the law.
And also because I can't get the guilt to
quit ringing in my ears if I don't. So to silence
the alarm, you spend a few minutes perusing
it every day.

Ask yourself, right now, What does the Bible
mean to Me?

PLEASE COME BACK TO THE PRIORITY
OF GOD'S WORD IN YOUR LIFE AND LET
IT BE YOUR AUTHORITY.

THE FEAR OF FALLING

The eternal God is your refuge,
and underneath are the everlasting
arms. —Deuteronomy 33:27

Have you ever dreamed that you were
falling out of bed or from some great height,
and you awoke in fright? I remember that
as a boy I would often be awakened by
such a terrifying feeling.

I heard about a man who had this
sensation as soon as he slipped into
sleep. He was so rudely awakened by
his sense of falling that he was afraid to
go back to sleep. He feared he would
die, and he imagined he was falling
into a bottomless pit.

Then one evening as he was strolling
through a cemetery, he saw this phrase
engraved on a tombstone:

Underneath Are The Everlasting Arms

These words reminded him that when
believers die, they are safely carried by the
Lord to their home in heaven. He recalled
the assurance of the psalmist, “Yea,
though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for
You are with me” (Ps. 23:4).

The once-fearful man realized that in
life and in death— and even in sleep—
the “everlasting arms” of our loving Lord
are there to catch and hold us. That night
he was able to sing what he was taught
in childhood, “Teach me to live that I may
dread the grave as little as my bed!” At
last he could fall asleep without fear.
— M.R. De Haan

I can trust my loving Savior
When I fear the world’s alarms;
There’s no safer place of resting
Than His everlasting arms. —Hess

You can trust God in the dark as well
as in the light.

Today's Our Daily Bread

BLIND FANNY THINKS OF OTHERS

Scripture:

Psalm 126

"He that goes forth and weeps, bearing
precious seed, shall doubtless come again
with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him."

"Rescue the perishing
Care for the dying
Snatch them in pity from sin and
the grave;
Weep o'er the erring one,
Lift up the fallen,
Tell them of Jesus the mighty
to Save."

Frances Jane Crosby was born in
Putnam county, New York on March
24, 1820. Her sight was destroyed at
the age of six weeks because of the
misapplication of a poultice on her
eyes. She was blessed with a
wonderful disposition and accepted
her handicap with an unusual display
of courage.
Franny Crosby was born the second
time in 1851. Seven years later she
married a blind musician, Mr. Alexander
Van Alstyne.
Her cheerfulness and courage coupled
with simple, child like trust in devine watch-
care enabled her to write such heart
warming hymns as "Blessed Assurance",
"Jesus keep me near the Cross", and "Safe
in the Arms of Jesus".

Friday morning, February 12, 1915, just
prior to her ninety fifth birthday, Fanny
Crosby realized to the fullest the words she
had written and recited many times- "and I
shall see HIM face to face".

Reflection:

Here is another example of a person who would
not sit down and feel sorry for herself. In
her blindness she thought constantly of
others. We, like she, can find peace only
as we turn aside to help someone else
and then happiness seems to overtake us.

WONDERFUL GRACE

For God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us
so very much, that even while we were dead
because of our sins, he gave us life when he
raised Christ from the dead.
Ephesians 2:4 NLT

Amazing grace! how sweet the sound—
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.
Amazing Grace , John Newton (1725-1807)

The gift of forgiveness is often best appreciated
by those who need it the most. The Reverend
John Newton experienced this truth firsthand.
His tombstone tells the story: "John Newton,
clerk, once an infidel and Libertine, a servant
of slavers in Africa, was, by the rich mercy of
our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, preserved,
restored, pardoned, and appointed to preach
the faith he had so long labored to destroy.
" These words were written by Newton himself,
a testimony to God's transforming power. After
years as a hardened slave trader, that "wretch"
met Jesus Christ and abruptly turned to defend
the gospel he had so long despised.

Throughout Newton's years of ministry, God's
amazing grace remained central to Newton's
thinking. When it was suggested he retire
(at age eighty-two!) due to poor health and a
failing memory, he responded, "My memory
is nearly gone, but I remember two things:
that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is
a great Savior!"

adapted from The One Year® Book of Hymns
by Mark Norton and Robert Brown, Tyndale
House Publishers (1995), entry for March 17
When a friend makes a mistake, don't rub it
in. Rub it out.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN

HE IS RISEN!

Acts 10:34,37-43; Psalms 118:1-2,16-17,22-23;
Colossians 3:1-4; John 20:1-9

"He saw and He believed" (John 20:8).

A true story recounted by a man who celebrated
Easter Sunday in a big cathedral ...

It was a beautiful Spring day and a sense of
peace stayed with me as I left the Cathedral.
I paused on top of the steps leading to the
Avenue, now crowded with people, and there,
sitting in her usual place under a small archway
was the elderly woman know to many of us
Church-goers as the "Flower Lady." At her
feet were corsages and boutonniere spread
out on an open newspaper.

The flower lady was smiling, her wrinkled
old face alive with some inner-joy. I started
down the stairs, and on an impulse, I turned
and picked out a flower. As I put it in my lapel,
I said to the woman, "You look happy this
morning." She replied, cheerily, "Why not?
Everything is good." She was dressed so
shabbily and she seemed so very old, that
her reply startled me.

"You've been sitting here every Sunday for
many years," I said to her, "and you're always
smiling, you wear your troubles well."

"You can't reach my age and not have troubles,"
she replied, "only it's like Jesus and Good Friday."

She paused for a moment, then added,
"You see, when Jesus was crucified on Good
Friday that was the worst day for the world.
And when I get troubles I remember that.
And then I think of what happened only three
days later. Easter, and Our Lord, arising.
So, when I get troubles, I learn to wait three
days. And, somehow, everything gets all right
again."

And she smiled "Good-bye," and her words
still follow me whenever I think I have troubles.

CHRIST IS RISEN!

HOLY SATURDAY

Readings: Genesis 1:1-2: 2;
Genesis 22:1-18; Exodus 14:15-15:1;
Isaiah 54:5-14; Isaiah 55:1-11;
Baruch 3:19-15, 32-4:4;
Ezekiel 36:16-28; Romans 5:3-11;
Mark 16:1-8

Scripture:

"He has been raised up; He is not here."
(Mark 16:6)

Most families gather together after a
funeral. It is a time to console one another,
share memories of the deceased one, and
offer one another support during the healing
days ahead. So today the Christian family
gathers after the death of Jesus. The nine
readings used in the Easter Vigil call us to
remember the great deeds of God that
prepared the way for Jesus. Over and over
again we hear how God dramatically intervenes
in human affairs to create, to save, to reprimand,
and to form covenants. As we listen to stories
of the pervasive presence of God in our lives,
we know that we will never be abandoned. In this
comfort we turn to one another and give our
support to whatever healing we might need in
the days ahead. We can only love one another
because God has first and continuously loved us!

The Easter Vigil memories carried through
the readings end with Mark's quiet Resurrection
gospel. It was early in the morning, the dawn
was just breaking. In the faintness of that first
light, we hear of the resurrected Jesus Who
already has moved ahead into Galilee. Yes,
God again has dramatically intervened! The
young man in the white robe asks the disciples
to follow Jesus once more. Our vigil is over, the
night has ended. It is time to put on the armor
or day and join Christ in His mission to be the
Light of the World.

Prayer:

O God, Creator of heaven and earth:

Grant that, as the crucified body of your
dear Son was laid in the tomb and rested on
this holy Sabbath, so we may await with him
the coming of the third day, and rise with him
to newness of life; who now lives and reigns
with you and the Holy Spirit, one God,
for ever and ever.
Amen

HOLY THURSDAY

Readings: Exodus 12:1-8, 11-14;
1 Corinthians 11:23-26; John 13:1-15

Scripture:

"But if I washed your feet then you
must wash each other's feet." (John 13:14)

Reflection:

People often say "Seeing is believing."
But on Holy Thursday, Christ turns it all
around. On Holy Thursday, believing is
seeing. Today the Lord establishes His
greatest gift to His disciples, the Eucharist,
the gift that has carried the Lord's Presence
to His followers throughout the centuries.
Here in the Eucharist we humble human
believers see and taste God.

If you go to the Holy Land and visit the room
of the Last Supper, you will probably be
surprised at how plain it is. No great church
surrounds it, and nothing in the room would
give a hint of the majestic event that occurred
there. It is a simple upper room. This simplicity
reflects our gospel reading that calls us to be
servants of one another. Jesus' act of washing
the disciples' feet was a sacred rite that prepared
and purified them for the bread of life. If they did
not serve one another as Jesus was serving
them, then they could not receive the bread of life.

The poor of Jesus' day did not wear sandals,
so their feet needed to be washed before entering
a house. The poor of our day do not have sandals,
food, a home, or political power. Once we have
seen Christ in the Eucharist, we also see the
poor who need us to wash their feet, call them
into our home, lead them to the bread of life.

Prayer:

Dear God.

On this day when you were turned over to face
death on the cross, let us remember that only
you are God and only you can say what is bad
or good. Help us to remember the evil done this
night lead to the greatest good that mankind
could ever have wished. That it is only our
ignorance which makes us condemn those who
killed you instead of praising them as the heroes
who made Easter possible. Only you know how
you perceive them, and us. So help us to know
that we are here to love you and one and other.
Not condemn, just love. The love that Jesus
showed us every day of his life and death.
Amen.